If you don’t have an opinion you are dead!!
My predicament at this point was that I was unemployed and although still exhibited abundance of action in my gait and demeanor, employment was necessary. Action need energy, energy comes from food, food need be bought. The conclusion is action needed money, though I continued to remain a skeptic on whether action produced money. My endorsement on these matters was not heavy on mind one afternoon as I munched peanuts from crumbled old newspaper. Peanuts were warm and crispy; flakes flew around in the breeze. Now here I need to mention a thing about me, when I munch I give an impression of a man in deep thought, the reality though would be that I was absolutely blank. Never much into food so the thoughts of edibility or taste seldom interfered my expression, it somehow contorted into a man of learning in contemplation. This afternoon too as I masticated my brow knotted into bearings of a man in profound reflection. There was a tap on the shoulder, a man in suit appeared from the shade, he smiled “I have been observing you. My name is XYZ. What’s your?”. He extended his hands- a tell tale sign of man of action, and goose stepped towards me. I ignored him, part of my nature demanded not to speak while eating. He hugged me to my amazement.
“What is your view on
“You will be paid if you come with me” he proposed.
“Where?” he had gained my respect after initial suspicion as man of action myself I favored my kind.
“To the studio we need people like you” he smiled with tremendous energy that impressed me.
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Well you come and see” he thumped my back and made elaborate gesture of a man extremely proud of himself.
“Will I be paid? I am actually looking for a job” I asked matching his enthusiasm.
“Of course you will be. This is just the job for you” his eyes lit as if his head was exploding with ideas.
It was a multistoried building with huge antennas on the top. A turbaned man opened the door, XYZ did not acknowledge him. The rooms were crisscrossed with desks and people in various phases of action filled the rooms, some stared at the computer and typed furiously, some formed groups and were seen discussing animatedly with awesome expressions. There were terrific movements of limbs, some sprang around instead of walking. A lady in short skirt and bow tie appeared and was asked to ‘take over my case’ by XYZ. She took me around showing wonderful rooms and halls ‘our channel is the top rated in the country. I am sure you know about it. Everyone does’. She had prompt gestures and was able to affect my opinion. We entered a room that had huge windows which were black tinted, few people sat in well polished furniture.
‘This the new case you can check’ she informed them and left. It was as if they were anticipating me, they stared me for few minutes. A tall man finally got up, came near me and studied my nose, then chin, and later ears. He tapped a cigarette out of the pack, lit it and took some short deep puffs and asked in a tone of continuing a conversation
“What is your view on racism post 9/11?”
“What racism? What 9/11?” I countered, in the meantime mustering eagerness that naturally infected me during periods of stress. He nodded at the group they showed signs of appreciation, one even gave a thumb up signal.
“And what do you think of reservation policy?” his interrogation continued. As a man of action always prompt with solution, I chose to stress agreeability of my nature instead of accepting ignorance “well it can be good or bad. It is a matter of opinion”.His face brightened “excellent you have lots of potential. Keep it up”. He shook my hand, and held it for few minutes as if connected in some profound understanding “we will have to change the world” he said and continued “but we don’t have time. We cannot afford to waste time. You will have to learn to speak faster”. He pendulated on his toes few times as he surveyed my face again. Then he took some brisk steps back to the group, they went in for confabulation, sometimes few of them gazed at me while others spoke, some even banged the table on occasions. This went on for an hour or so. Abruptly they stopped; there were few moments of silence. A bald man got up and nodded to his colleagues, as if asking for permission and approached me. He was carrying a stop watch with him.
“Repeat this after me” he instructed “media will self regulate, government shouldn’t interfere…say this”. He said these and goggled at the stopwatch.
An impulsive burst of enthusiasm stimulated me to express my opinion instead so I said “in democracy government is elected by people is it not and media is controlled by few individuals for profit is it not? Why laws then we can all self regulate is it not? What gives media high moral ground you tell me, I am right is it not?”. I assumed as if I am staring at the camera and so tried to appear photogenic.
But the man was furious “you is it not fellow you give your opinion when asked. You get it. Understand you moron. If you want to get the job do as told”.
I was upset by the turn of event, realized that my eagerness was misplaced so I tried to apologize, it didn’t calm him instead he tried to crush the stopwatch. It took him some time to normalize, one of his colleagues got up and proceeded to pat his shoulder and hugged him, this was cheered by the group. A feeling of camaraderie enveloped the room, next few minutes they exchanged motivational stories and tried to encourage each other, reiterating their team spirit. After everything had settled down he addressed me again “Repeat after me, media will self regulate” he was calm but stern.
“Media will self regulate” I said.
“Speak fast this will not help”. He shouted his eyes riveted on the stop watch.
“Say mediawillselfregulate. Mediawillselfregulate” he demonstrated.
“Media will self regulate” I tried to mime.
“See you are taking more time you should be able to speak these in one second. Get it” he insisted. I found it difficult to emulate.
“See you need to flap your tongue faster. Take a deep breath. Come on do it. Yes then you breath out flap your tongue. See like this”. He opened his mouth wide and fluttered his tongue. I copied him but my attempt was amateurish since my tongue often slackened. Seeing my predicament the group came forward. There were fifteen people of varying age, the youngest one in his early twenties (he later told me during the tea break that he has taken up the cause of Generation X) and tried to motivate me. They held each other’s hand and formed a circle around me and opened their mouth demonstrating an impressive proficiency with tongue. I was amazed and so after few hours of dedication seemed to have mastered the trick. The oldest in the group put his hands around my shoulder and explained “if you want to do well here then it is not necessary to have any opinion or knowledge. We will take care of that. What is not in our control is how you speak. Worry about two things my boy” here he paused giving an impression of a person who was readying for a revelation “you should have a good vocal cord” he pointed to his massive throat “like these, it’s the years of experience that is speaking. I get regularly invited to discussion programs in TV channels”
“I agree to that” I tried to authenticate.
“You agree or disagree your job now is to listen carefully to what I say”.
I was being coaxed into a state of mind of a follower without me being least aware. He continued with his instructions “you should get up early morning and practice atleast an hour of shouting and screaming this is the first step of being an expert, you will not survive without this crucial asset. Only fittest will survive. Next as was told you must get maximum out of your tongue. Speak fast, faster, fastest. There is no time for measured speaking, people will change the channel. This has been secret of my success. Of course being a lawyer is an advantage but I would say if you are an actor this is the right career if haven’t done much”. He snapped his fingers as if to wake me from the trance, and thumped my chest with his fist, a gesture, a pointer to him being a man of action.
“Hope to see you very soon in TV channel discussing issues. We will have to save the world”. He showed sign of victory and exited out alertly. The group followed him in a straight line. I was left alone in the room. My eyes strayed on to the wall that had quotations pasted, one read: Every step is a step towards Action-Abraham Lincoln. Another one read: Action is non-violence-Mahatma Gandhi. These words comforted me and assured of my being in the venerable company. On one corner there was an oversized poster of the movie First Action Heroes. It had Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jackie Chan in various awe inspiring and urgent feats of action, it was garlanded. As I was lost in the delight of my surrounding I failed to notice that a man had entered the room.
“Bang. Bang”. He made noises of explosions with his baritone voice, I sprang on my feet. I recognized him immediately. He headed the channel and was quite well known. He seeked attention and was seen in most high profile functions waving to the cameras. He was also known to be benevolent to his employees “we must share” he would say.
“Are you the new recruit?”. He asked.
“Not exactly but I was called”. I replied
“Good then let me take you around”. He displayed his characteristic humility he was known for. He continued as he led me “I have a vision. I have a vision to make people always watch TV. A world where eyes are meant to watch TV. We should be the best in this field. We need dedicated people. People, who can speak and entertain, speak and entertain. You get what I am saying?”
“Yes. Yes I was told about these requirements few moments back”. I nodded vigorously.
“Good” he said. I was convinced that he appreciated my effort on sincerity. He walked nimbly and was vigorous in his movements, for an octogenarian he was amazingly preserved.
“Let me take you to future. Future is now and here. Follow me”. He was a man immensely proud of his achievements.
“This is our lab” his eyes ignited as we entered a sanitized room that had instruments of varying size and dimensions, on the far end were caged apes. Inside dozens of glass rooms men and women were seen bend on microscopes and other contraptions as if deep in some experiment.
“We are creating future here. This is where good business meets good science” he was not addressing these to me his audience were millions of people around the country.
“This is future. Our future. My future”. He snapped his fingers and a man in white coat responded.
“Tell him what we are doing here. Tell him about the future”. He instructed.The man in white coat had an excitable face, his eyebrows waved as he spoke.
“We want to hasten the evolution process. You know evolution is a slow and gradual process. It may take hundreds of years for it to be manifested. We here are only trying to help”. He spoke like a man very much in control of his vocation. “This is bioengineering, the miracles of recombinant technology. Let me explain…what is advantageous for life to survive and propagate is what species focus, to enhance, and so evolve. In today’s world the best chance to survive and prosper is talking. Talking as a survival extinct is where the future is”. He emphasized. “Faster, louder, the better. From the principles of natural selection and evolution it is a fact that humans centuries from now will be having bigger mouth and longer tongue. We don’t want to wait for centuries we will hasten the process. We want to have the head start. The fittest will be created here and now”. He looked at his boss, who acknowledged his passion with a pat “he is a genius, our alchemist!!”.
The man in the white coat continued with renewed vigor “we have taken the gene controlling the growth of tongue in giraffe- it has the longest tongue among animals, and have successfully injected into genome of Rhesus monkey. The results have been spectacular. Wonders of xenotransplantation. You must have seen the pictures in TV?”
“Yes. Sure”. I said showing immense excitement and gave appreciative nodes to his boss.
“Show him the monkey”. He ordered, the man in white coat scampered to the cage. In a special enclosure a monkey was instigated to open its mouth. It uncoiled an impressively long tongue.
“Bravo” exclaimed the boss and patted him “I invite you to brave new world of transgenic humans, the smarter race”. His invitation was to no one in particular but I being a man of action didn’t want to let go this opportunity and so shook his hands, and thanked him for his gratefulness. The monkey meanwhile tried to lick the roof of the room. The man in white coat had started to speak “we also intend to create humans with bigger mouth. We have identified a gene in hippopotamus that could be injected into human genome, the designer genes. The research is in advanced stage”. He continued “we must take all kinds of risk. As my friend Watson once said until a tiger devours you, you don't know that the jungle is dangerous”.
The boss intervened “louder voice though comes with lots of practice. We haven’t been able to work on the vocal cord. A lion like growl or tiger like snarl during political debates in studios will be incredible”. We nodded in agreement. “Imagine people with hippopotamus mouth, giraffe tongue and lion’s voice….amazing. Truly TRP busting I tell you”. We spend next few minutes discussing about the possibilities of creating humans with two heads “that way a single person can say opposing views simultaneously”. The man in white cloth then took a bow and proceeded to his glass enclosure.
“Aha you mean the knowledge part, the view, the perspective. Sure. Sure” he almost laughed, patronized me with hand on my shoulder “that is the easiest. Come with me I will show you”
I realized that he had everything contrived. He took me to a room that had racks of books and rows of computers “this is the library, we have books and software on everything that can be discussed”
It was a well lit room. Few people sat around a lamp shade and tried to memorize what they had read. They shut the books occasionally and recited the content to a person who noted down their progress.
“Since we have to cater to the popular demand, we try to keep it simple. No complication just be simple. Not at all” he swayed his head in negation “the intention is not to get into depth of any issue or problem. We are not into research we are into entertainment. It is about keeping the attention of the audience between the ads. We are here to make money. I have the power to sway the public opinion. I can make or break people’s life”
Later I was shown books dealing with various topics, ranging from Issues of literacy Movement to Scuba diving and Sex.
“Scuba diving and sex?!!. I couldn’t help expressing some wonder.
“Sex sells so we have to somehow sniff out sex-or movie, in all that we discuss. This book is a great study on how to relate things totally unrelated. It is a master piece. Every TV channel in the country has copy of this book distributed free to their employees” he informed.
Most of the books he showed were thin with oversized letters, the kind used by children in primary school “future is in simplification” he seemed to have immense knowledge about what he was speaking, he continued “what you can tell in few seconds that is understandable to the audience without straining their mind is the key to our success. You annoy them with insightful thoughts they will change the channel. It is a difficult show”
“Just like the American elections!!” I tried to humor.
“Dead right, precisely. They are an inspiration. Tomorrow’s leaders should be faster, louder, always carry bigger smile, appear serious when needed. Just like the American presidential candidates. They are amazing. It is the victory of TV channels. A world where the elections and the war are fought for the TV audience. A world where people are killed for TV audience. A world where people die for TV audience. It is an amazing world”. He paused and opened the window, we were on the tenth floor, vehicles below looked miniature version like toys, a surge of potency started to affect his bearing he studied the sky then said with a new found determination
“We should be the best in the world. What does Murdoch know?”
I didn’t apprehend but gave indications of intense confidence in him. He continued “we have got as much technology as he has, the human factor is an advantage we should capitalize. A superior race of fast and loud talkers will make us efficient. Give me five years I will overtake Murdoch. Give five years I will rule the TV channels. I will rule the world”. His eyes had become misty, he gravitated towards me and held both my hands as lovers would after weeks of separation and whispered “whatever may happen I will defend your choices till my last breath. You will have freedom of choice, the choice to do whatever you like. This I will defend even if I cease”. He squeezed my hands with intense passion, I reciprocated with expressions of ecstasy. We stood like that for few minutes pledging to defend whatever could be defended. He dropped my hands tenderly and took few steps back as if in reverence “I love the audience. Will love them always”. He was near the door “you wait here I will send a person” saying this he made some hasty movements and exited. Almost immediately a woman entered the room and beamed “congrats you are selected” she said.
“Really. Selected for what?” I tried seeking a clarification in case it was a mistake.
“Well we are proud to appoint you as our permanent expert”. She said in a euphoric tone.
“Oh….sounds great”
“It is” she assured
“So what am I supposed to do?” I asked
“don’t worry we are here to train you” saying this she tapped her feet and twisted her body as if trying to dance on the latest tune, and sang “you might have a view but should know how to entertain”. She left the room quite abruptly.
Next few months I stayed in a dormitory provided by the Channel, it had cheerful interior with all the luxury. The intent was trainees should observe and learn from each other, emphasis was on collective. We were to get up early morning and after mandatory yoga were locked up in a room and asked to scream for an hour, the voice pitch was recorded. Every weekend the graph of the progress was handed out and words of encouragement added. We were also fed sugar rich diet to keep us energetic and excitable as we speak. Once in a while we were shown video clippings of tragedies and calamites, our trainer dealt with these in his usual exuberance. The clippings were juxtaposed with shots of buoyant TV anchor who treaded the gory surroundings with bewitching engagement, articulating irresistible one liners with delectable pauses and winsome attitude. In the meantime special attention was taken to give varied information regarding popular issues. Some of us were asked to grow beard while most others were being groomed as trendy thinkers, fitting into the euphoria of surrounding so as to connect with the aspiration level of audience. Those who had weak vocal cord and did not respond to the training as also those who couldn’t speak fast were relegated as “studio audience”. They were given cues to make noises during discussions so as to heat up the proceeding also intensify or paraphrase the controversiality of the issues dealt. They were also expected to be sturdy enough to raise their hands to show discontent or to vote for “quick poll”. I though had the fortune of being chosen as an expert probably because I had assembly of facial expressions that could take the lines like “we have to do something” or “the solution has to be found” to higher levels of subtleties that pleased the audience, my vehemence was natural.
Soon I was a man in demand many TV channels- national and international, invited me for my expert opinion (one channel I recall- BBC, on weekend we sat around what looked like a dining table as old friends would, carrying on the banter and bitching while discussing problems plaguing the world). As a professional I have recently acquainted myself with latest in cosmetics, so when I go for talk on global warming I put a darker shade around my eyes, for issues of youth I gel my hair, for women’s emancipation I cross dress and so on. The results have been spectacular most programs that I participated in have had an overwhelming response. Even unheard of TV channels find favor with the audience after my opinions were aired. Today I am a very satisfied man having found my vocation. A vocation that gives me ample opportunity to criticize inaction and complacency, and invoke action every moment I breathe.
